A Little Bit About Me

I have always loved to write and be able to share stories with others. 
This is why I decided to pursue my dream and I am now a 3rd year Journalism student at Latrobe University. 
I wish to use this blog to share my personal articles and all my other pieces of writing, to essentially build up my own portfolio.
If you have any enquiries, please contact me via email: @rosemaddie61@gmail.com

The Issue With Mental Health in Rural Victoria

 The Issue With Mental Health in Rural Victoria 

 

Mental health issues are a very significant issue in rural areas, due to lack of accessibility to help resources. There is major room for improvement in helping rural Victoria to have more facilities such as places to visit Psychologists and Therapists. 

 

There are a lot of different factors that go into this issue, such as natural events, isolation and lack of resources.

 

In rural areas, the regional economy is a key influence on mental health. Events such as drought, flood and bushfire can have heavy impact, especially in agricultural areas

 

I interviewed Hope Bilkey, who is living in Bright, Victoria and she says there is only one psychologist in her town. 

 

‘’There is only one psychologist in town and they are either completely booked out or you may face conflict of interest.’’

 

Elizabeth Keogh who also lives in Bright touched on dealing with the conflict of interest as well and being in a small town they wouldn’t be the only ones. 

 

‘’There is only one psychologist in town and if your mum or brother is seeing them you cant because it’s a conflict of interest.’’ She said.

 

Elizabeth loves living in rural Victoria as it is much more slow paced and peaceful then regional.

 

‘’I wouldn’t say living here is bad for my mental health, but the lack of access to health services is.’’

 

The reported prevalence of mental illness in rural and remote Australia appears similar to that of major cities. However, access to mental health services is substantially more limited than in major cities. Tragically, rates of self-harm and suicide increase with remoteness.

 

The public transport system is highly outdated in rural Victoria and for those without a vehicle face the issue of waiting lengthy times for busses and trains.

 

‘’Bus timetables are appalling and do not compensate for needs of people … I now need to travel one hour to Wangaratta (to see a psychologist)’’ Hope said.

 

Which means she spends a lot of time waiting around for busses just to seek some form of mental health assistance.

The rate of suicide among men aged 15-29 years who live outside major cities is almost twice as high as it is in major cities, which is caused from many variables that all fall under the accessibility issue.

Alisha Camilleri from Clonbinane prefers living in rural more so then regional.

‘’I don’t feel isolated I feel free.’’She says.

Alisha feels as though living in rural areas you’re not constantly reminded that people aren’t nice because you aren’t around people as much.

This shows that it isn’t rural Victoria that is the issue, it’s the lack of facilities and needs out in these areas to help with mental health and some changes need to be made.

Poetry Collection: Birds

 My Poetry 

Raven

 Nothing is nothing, although it is empty

Emptiness is cold, although it is quiet

Quietness is good, it soothes my aches

The aches inside of me feel like crumbles

Like splitting a biscuit in half, instead it isn’t a biscuit

A heart.

 

Think of my heart as a stone,

Cool and hard to love,

But unlike a stone it is easy to break,

It is too big and heavy in my chest

It is too forgiving but not forgetting

My heart.

 

My head, isn’t a friend

It tells me I’m nothing, it tells me I’m worthless

It tells me I’m bitter, it tells me I’m a waste

My head is convincing, I cannot ignore it

So convincing, I cannot control it

Sometimes I believe it

 

My body is a trap,

It is a garden on the outside

It is a fantasy on the outside

But on the inside,

It is a nightmare, it is a whirlpool 

I am a suffocation   

 

My eyes have seen everything

Every sin, every lie 

My eyes remember everything

Every scar, every goodbye

But my eyes never capture how I see

They show colour, I see only black

 

Black is a feeling,

Black is a memory,

Black consumes inside me

Runs through me like blood

But through me like venom 

It injects itself like a needle at night

 

The raven rules the night

I am a raven, button eyes, loud cries

No one understands me

I’m only okay at night, when it’s quiet

But my thoughts are loud,

I rule the cloudy night

Ugly Duckling

 I am the ugly duckling

I do not belong

I am easily forgotten 

I do not do 

 

I am the ugly duckling

I have an odd wing

I have two left feet 

And an abnormal beak

 

 

Life is hard for me

It is hard to fly

Sometimes it is hard to swim

Sometimes it is easier to stop

 

But you keep me going

You pick me back up

You stop me from drowning

You spread my wings, embrace the shadows

 

Sometimes I feel surrounded and weak

But you support me

Sometimes I feel shaky and broken

But you carry me

 

My limbs feel like trees

You’re my roots, deep within me

My beaks are whispers

You’re my secrets, kept within me

 

You changed me

You fixed me

You made me perfect

I am the swan

 

I am the beautiful swan

I have fluttering feathers

I glide along the water

I do I do

 

But I still fall for you

Phoenix 

Help!

Blue pill, Black pill

Left foot, Right foot

The darkness or the lightness

 

Lost!

I choose wrong, haunting me

The decision, breaking me

White noise, hurting me

 

Pure?

I thought so too.

I thought I could love, 

I thought I knew you,

 

Me?

I’m stuck in sticky glue,

Pulling and tying me to my troubles

I don’t belong with you, 

 

Ouch.

Just flickers of black flames 

They burn me inside and out

I rise from the ash,

 

I chose.

First Blue then Black,

Tasted both, bitter sweet

I am a phoenix.

Sparrow

 

A path, is my destiny

A wrong turn, is my choice

A stumble, is my opportunity

 

Is so little, so precious

Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick

I am so little, so breathless

 

My life, is flowering

Only just the beginning, but slowly ending

A sunrise, a sunset

 

What is stronger than a heart?

Something that smashes over

And over a rollercoaster 

 

Handed to me on a silver platter

You’re served with a rope 

I allow you to strangle me

 

Purple around my eyes

Chains covering my thighs

I’m never leaving you

 

Like a candle in the wind

I blew out long before

You knew I did

 

The chains are made of daisy 

They smile at me

I can’t feel them

 

Watch it burn down you

Down your sparrow throat

Rabbit hole 

 

Falling and falling

Through the cracks

Cracks in the floor

 

You are Alice

But there is no wonderland

But there is madness  

 

Sanity?

Can you even see?

Can you even taste?

Dry lips

Sourness is all I taste

Can you fit my puzzle?

 

I’m on a come down

Spiraling around

And around you go

The Story Of Sean Kiley

 

The Dancing Dream

As a boy growing up in Sydney, Sean Kiley a former ballet dancer, always had a passion for animals and dancing, no matter where he went wildlife creatures would find him, it became a running joke within his family. 

 

‘’My mum had taken a bag of groceries in a minute later she found me in the middle of a path with like a foot long blue tongue lizard sitting on my shoulder I think that sort of started it.’’

 

However his heart lead him to ballet when he learnt he had a skill for it and graduated from the Australian Ballet Company, which lead him to gaining a position in the company. 

 

‘’A year before joining the company I sort of thought it’d be a waste if I don’t pursue this at some form of professional capacity. So, I uh decided I wanted to do that and then got the position.’’

 

He trained hard throughout his dancing career and eventually those long tiring rehearsals began to not be as draining, yet more so second nature.

 

Although ballet as Sean puts it, like any other sport it has a ‘’expiry date’’ when your body physically can’t do it anymore. So once he began to have issues with his knees a few years after being with the company, he decided his body had enough of professional dancing and changed his career path.

 

‘’It got to a point like where if I was sitting down for 15min and standing up id be in pain or going up or down stairs or just doing the barest minimum of my job Id be in pain. And that was really hard because I kept thinking to myself oh I’m 22, 23 I cant go upstairs, I’m healthy otherwise I should be so healthy.’’ He explained

 

That’s how he got to where he is today, which is being currently enrolled at Latrobe University studying a Bachelor of Animal and Veterinary Bioscience.

 

‘’I always knew after I stopped dancing I wanted to do something with animals I just wasn’t sure what and so when I stopped and Covid happened, I started looking at my options more and more.’’ He said.

 

Sean loves to travel and spent some time in Africa doing hands on work with lions. Unfortunately, with Covid restrictions this has made it difficult for Sean to travel overseas and adventure, however he has made plans to travel with friends in the time being. 

 

Sean is very family and friend orientated, claiming they’re the most important things in his life as of now which is why he wants to share these travel experiences with them.

 

 

‘’Id travel around Australia a bit so yeah in the immediate future its finish the semester and drive up to Queensland with a few friends.’’

 

Sean said that his family had always been majorly supportive of what he wanted to do and would help him reach his goals, they would always encourage him to try new things even if they didn’t work out, to just try them anyways.

 

When speaking about the close future and what Sean wanted to do aside from travel, he brought up his passion for the art of dance and that even though it isn’t his career anymore, he still likes to dance for fun.

 

‘’I want to get more into dancing not necessarily ballet um but yeah like id love to do more of hip hop because it’s a passion.’’

 

As you can tell dancing has really shaped the person Sean is today and it all started from Mikhail Baryshnikov, his biggest idol who got his fascination with the art started.

 

‘’I watched several recordings of him when I was younger…. I was around 8, 9 or 10 and I just remember thinking like this is ridiculously and so impressive and I stared looking up more and more, especially when I started getting into ballet and after that I just remembered this one guy is amazing.’’

 

Although apart from being known as the dancer amongst his family of lawyers he is also known as a massive bookworm, which he likes to thank his sister for, reading 300 books a year showing his studious side.

 

When Sean finishes his studies at Latrobe he wants to work with larger animals again like he did in Africa.

 

‘’The end goal is working with larger animals, but 5 years from now I would actually like to start doing biology conservation stuff especially in Australia we have a lot of endangered species, so I’d love to do some hands on work out in the actual bush doing some conservation.’’

How Australia Can Save It's Land

 ‘’The biggest problems of agriculture comes not from the agri part of that word but the culture part of the word.’’

 Jennifer Mortsen, who is researching at the present identifying periods of significant change in conservation funding, within her time has seen the issues of overgrazing and agriculture on Australian land.

 

‘’They (cows) will eat these until they are pretty much bare, and then move onto the less palatable, but still edible species.’’ She said, pointing out that it doesn’t allow time for plants to grow back before the cycle begins again, therefore ruining the areas growth cycle.

 

‘’With this pattern of behaviour, it doesn't take long for the environment to shift towards favouring unpalatable species, to the relative exclusion of all others.’’ 

 

After every crop is harvested the salinity within the soils rise causing issues, as well as when livestock trample on the grass.

 

According to ecoresources, Overgrazingis one of the main pressures on biodiversity in Australia. Grazing and various agriculturalimprovement strategies have modified vast areas of grasslands and open grassy woodlands.

 

With this knowledge, it is time to put the solutions into place before it is too late to save the Australian land and ways we can do that is through increasing money into research.

 

’’Increased funding for environmental science will come in two ways - people vote for it, and vote based on it.’’ 

 

‘’We can study animals and plants, and learn more about how to care for them, but without funding, we cannot carry out that research, and we can't act upon the required actions in the scales that are needed.’’

 

We need functioning ecosystems within Australia to control pests and keep native animals from going extinct.

 

Jennifer pointed out to me that agriculture isn’t just a biodiversity issue, it is a farming issue also.

 

‘’The removal of deep rooted vegetation has also increased salinity in many areas, but drawing up water from the water table, and bringing along salts in the soils along with it, which has made some lands unusable for most agriculture, so it's not just a biodiversity issue.’’

 

The issue with agriculture and overgrazing doesn’t just effect mammals and humans, it effects many creatures and without fixing this issue it will lead to many extinctions of species.

 

 

According to Parliament of Australia Between 1983and 1993, land clearing led to the deaths of at least a billion reptiles, or more than 100 million reptiles on average each year.

 

However, also overpopulation effects the land not just extinction which needs to be dealt with more so.

 

‘’The dingo fence and the poisoning and killing of dingoes below the fence leads to an overabundance of kangaroos, which also leads to overgrazing.’’ She said.

 

 

 

‘’But the biggest problem we face is not having a better method - the biggest problem is how to change a culture, how to change the expectations, and how to change what farmers on the whole do.’’ 

 

She pointed out that farming is the main issue when it comes to overgrazing, without a solution or a change in ways to which farming is done the problem will catch up to us.

 

According to the conservation website livestock Farmingcontributes 18% of human produced greenhouse gas emissions worldwide

 

Marcus Johnson a farmer from rural victoria is very aware of the issues farming can bring to our land. 

 

‘’I am aware of the issue. Its obviously a big issue and can be a big contributor to the loss of biodiversity.’’

 

‘’We do take measures to prevent this, like I said we have plenty of room, plenty of paddocks to move them around.’’ He said.

 

Marcus on his property makes sure to have a lot of room for his livestock so they don’t overgraze on there property. The animals switch from different paddocks so they just aren’t eating the same grass.

 

‘’We are lucky enough to have a lot of room, there is a lot of grass for them to eat and we also feed them hay …’’

 

On his farm they do experience damage to the soil and grass, due to extreme weather conditions.

 

‘’I mean not long lasting, its just in the summer months it gets pretty dried up. But it all grows back pretty well.’’ He said.

 

 

The best way to resolve this issue us to give money into environmental research to be able to figure out reasonable and realistic solutions to this problem.

 

We need to create a bond with these creatures on our land rather then keeping them at arms length if we want to change the culture of farming. 

The Story Behind A Ballerina

 

Amber Scott, a professional ballerina with the Australian Ballet Company, who has now had a child, tells us things are a bit different to what they once were in her career.
 
‘’I was getting ready to do sugar plum fairy for my first show and I was like expressing breast milk while I was in my tiara waiting for the show.’’ She said.
 
She is now getting used to managing mum life and ballet life, as well as juggling this within a pandemic. 
Amber has been dancing with the company for 20 years now and is the only one left still dancing from her group, who got accepted into the company.
Amber usually does six months straight of shows most nights and the company all together does 180 shows a year.

She started dancing as a young girl in the creative arts, in which her mother got her into, however she always felt she belonged in the ballet.
‘’I think I definitely did other styles, it was pretty common to do tap and jazz along side ballet. Growing up we didn’t have hip hop and all those cool things back then but yes I did jazz and tap and I think I knew early on my strength laid with the ballet. Especially with tap I found difficult because your ankles work in a different way.’’ She told us.

As she has always been dancing since she was younger, her first inspiration came from a VHS tape when she was eight. She would watch this documentary over and over again of French Ballerina Sylvie Guile.
‘’Seeing her documentary on a video when I was really young and seeing her dancing amazing ballets and in the Paris Opera and the Royal Ballet, that really opened my eyes to where ballet can take you as a career.’’
Amber finally managed to achieve her dreams to become a principal dancer, which is quite a challenging career to pursue. When performing Amber told us it’s a lot more then just putting on a costume.
 
‘’It is mentally draining especially if you’re learning a new role or if you’re working with a choreographer who is throwing new movement at you.’’ 
She also mentioned that although it is tough, it is a rewarding craft.
 ‘’It is very draining but it’s also very uplifting.’’ She said.
It is often a misconception that ballerina’s have to stay an unhealthy weight and are pushed to stay in a tiny physique due to the company. Amber made this clear that the Australian Ballet Company are very supportive of their dancers and encourage them to stay healthy. 

She also told us that Australia in general is very supportive of ballerinas and appreciate them as artists, not as models.
‘’Australia has a pretty healthy body culture which is great. They are more about the movement and to be strong and healthy enough to keep up’’
 
Amber has become a beloved dancer within the company, after dancing with it for many years. Even after all these years she still has future goals for herself to pursue, such as different roles and ballets.
 
‘’There are still some ballets I would like to do. Our company is having a new director next year so its going to be a exciting new phase to see.’’She said.
She feels as though now after all the life experiences she has gone through, especially becoming a mother. It is a good time to explore more advanced roles and re visit some she had done in the past.
‘’I feel like at this point in my life the roles I might of played earlier I wish I could do them now because I think I’ve grown up more and I could understand the character better.’’

One of the most admirable parts of Amber is being a mother and serious dancer all at the same time. She mentioned that her social life took a ‘’downward turn’’ when her daughter came, but she really didn’t mind spending more time with her bundle of joy.

‘’Before I never would of imagined leaving a rehearsal. But now I cant imagine anything before Bonnie.’’ She said.
Although Amber loves being a new mother she found it quite tricky planning mothering and shows at the same time.
‘’It was tricky, last year was the year I had to return for a show and take Bonnie on tour it takes a lot of time organising.’’ 
The ballerina pointed out that ‘’Ballet is a very self focused art form.’’ And it takes a lot of your energy and attention, but so does mothering. Amber had to put faith in her 20years of experience and not put as much time in as she couldn’t possibly do both 100%.

‘’I had to trust myself more that my body new how to dance and that I didn’t need hours and hours everyday.’’ She said.
When COVID 19 safety measures were first put in place in Melbourne Amber’s ballerina life wasn’t changed too much, as they could still go into Southbank and rehearse for their shows, just with social distancing. Amber was lucky because she could still practice partner work because her and her husband lived in the same household.

‘’We were able to go to the centre in groups of ten.’’ She said.
However, with current measures the company is lying dormant and no dancers can go inside, this means that rehearsals are done from home over zoom.
‘’Each day there is class delivered through staff members.’’ She told us.
The company also offers their dancers plenty of mental health resources to help within these difficult times, which Amber has found quite helpful.

After going through all these life changes it has proven how much of a resilient person Amber is and that she can always bounce back and come back stronger. She said that especially now more then ever she has felt the struggle to continue.
‘’There have been times especially recently having to come back after my baby I was just like I don’t know if I can do it, ballet is so hard and I cant do it the way I want to do it and I’m tired or I just want to be with my daughter.’’

She told us that in the past of her ballet career she has had injuries and felt like it was impossible for her to keep dancing and reaching her goals and aspirations.
‘’There were younger times where I had injuries and they just seemed like they wouldn’t go away and I thought I’m never going to achieve my dreams I’m never going to achieve the level I want to because my bodies holding me back.’’
Amber told us that she was very supported through those times by family, friends and the company which helped her push on and keep going.
‘’But then it heals and you progress its just at that moment you feel overwhelmed’’ She said.

From seeming as such a fearless person, it was a wonder if professional dancers still get stage fright after all these times going on stage and performing.
‘’Its just natural. You get so used to being on stage … I find once I’m out there I’m fine, I am so much better on stage.’’
However, Amber did say she still does feel that little bit of nerves just before she goes on stage, waiting in the wings and anticipating before she goes on.
‘’That moment when you hear the orchestra tune up, I love that sound but it terrifies me so much.’’ She said.
Being a performer it is very rare to have a show go completely perfect as there is so much that needs to be done and so many people to be relied on. Amber did have one of those performances in her career.
‘’There was a performance I did of swan lake in New York at David Koch Theatre. My partner Adam Ball he actually said it was his favourite show, one of his favourite shows he’s ever done.’’
‘’it was one of those shows where everything came together. Most performers say you can count those amount of shows on one hand because we are pretty hard on our selves and there are a lot of elements involved.’’
Ballerina’s are like actors and actresses in a way as they portray a character and have to spend time doing research on the character they’re embodying. Amber follows these steps before a show. 

‘’If it’s necessary I always try to read as much as possible and watch movies if there is movie adaptations of the stories.’’
Just before a show Amber uses the technique to try not to think about the show and ‘’keep a lot of energy in and keep quiet.’’ 
After such a crazy past few years within her career and outside of it Amber has remained as a strong dancer and shown resilience. She is a great role model for young dancers to keep going.
‘’I am really still amazed I have been dancing for 20years I didn’t think I would make it this long’’

                How Sex Workers Really Feel

''Being a sex worker is not just taking photos and videos ... ''

Onlyfans has become a popular site for sex workers to create and put forward their content recently, causing a lot of attention from the public. We've all heard how conservative society feels about sex work, but how do the actual workers feel about their job?

Prostitution is known to be the worlds oldest profession, being practised through ancient and modern culture. Sex work had been controlled by men to have women please them and do as they wanted. However, in recent times both male and female sex workers have personal control over their work.

A lot of people disagree with this career path  ''I think sleeping with people for money is gross.'' said a anonymous user on reddit, followed by numerous others and it isn't new information.

But, no one ever asks the sex workers how they feel about it. I interviewed Hayley Brooke, a successful onlyfans user about her experience on the site.

Do you feel Onlyfans has made you more body positive and confident?

Yes it definitely has! I receive compliments daily so after receiving so many compliments it really helps to realise that I’m not as “ugly” as I think I am and what I think are my “flaws” aren’t really flaws at all. I wanted to change several things about my body but after being in this industry, it’s helped me realise that I’m fine exactly the way I am.

Do you think being in this industry will affect your ability to get another job in the future?

I would say so but for me personally, at this point, I only want to work as my own boss so my own businesses. I’m also a self employed makeup artist and have had my own online clothing store before becoming a sex worker which I might want to open another one in future. 

What do you want people to know about the sex industry?

People are quick to judge and believe that working in the sex industry is just the easy way out, lazy and not a real job when actually it’s very time consuming, weighs on you mentally and physically and we pay tax! Being a sex worker is not just taking photos and uploading them. It contains multiple “real job” aspects including Video editing, fulfilling/taking orders, acting, performing/entertainment, marketing, branding, promotion techniques, graphic design, social media management & customer/client etiquette.

Is it draining dealing with clients? Do they treat you as an object?

It can be very draining. Unfortunately there are a lot of clients that can be very rude and expect things of you without having to pay or expect you to reply to them as soon as they’ve sent a message then abuse you if you don’t. 

Do you make enough income to fully support yourself?

Yes I make enough income to fully support myself & my pets! 

Do you wish there was more support for sex workers, such as mental health resources for the industry specifically?

Yeah unfortunately we’re still very criminalised and looked down upon. Sex work has been around for years, I wish it was more accepted.

What are some negatives of being a sexworker?

As an individual sex worker it can really weigh on you mentally because of not really having a set schedule and feeling like you have so much to do it’s just work work work and it can be very stressful. Then you get constant abuse from haters and have your profiles removed from platforms over and over because these people report all your posts to get your account taken down, and most of the time they don’t actually check the reported posts and accounts get deactivated unfairly. We then have to start from the bottom and build ourselves up only to get deactivated again and have to start all over. This has a negative effect on income and mental health. It’s very exhausting.